FALLBACK - Preview
Eric woke, but his eyes remained firmly shut. He hoped that he had been having a nightmare and that he would be back in his bed at one of his homes. Tentatively, he opened his eyes. The view in front of him was not what he had hoped for.
The room was rectangular and plain. The only personal touches on the walls were pictures, and these had been given to him by Doctor Noel. He reluctantly got out of bed and looked at the 'approved' reminders of his past life.
According to Doctor Noel, they were supposed to help Eric feel better as his medicine was reduced. It didn’t work. Every time Eric looked at them, all he felt was anger. Each picture made him think about what he had lost and how his freedom had been taken away. He should have just torn them all down, but that would have meant bare walls again.
The pictures that riled him the most were of Paris and Prague. When he looked at them, he thought about Ursula and their last conversation. They had been standing in a beach outhouse surrounded by agents and soldiers from the Office of Strategic Services or OSS. He could remember almost every word they had said to each other.
“It’s you! Before you, everything was fine. You have ruined my life,” he had shouted at Ursula.
She had replied with tears streaming down her face, “My life has changed as much as yours, and you can’t blame me for all those things happening to you. I’m sorry that you can’t use your money. I’m sorry that you have been kept a prisoner. I’m sorry that you, and I, may die in a year and I’m sorry that you are now an orphan. But I didn’t do any of these things to you.”
She had been right. Only now that she was gone, did he realise this. Her life had changed as much as his. She had lost a warm family, and all he had lost was cold money.
When he had run out onto the beach that day, he had never looked back at her, and that is where his memories of Ursula stopped. As his head had become less fuzzy, and his thinking had become clearer, he had tried to contact her but without any real success. He sensed that she was alive and this, at least, pleased him greatly.
Maybe she’s in the same situation as me, he thought.
On a number of occasions, he had wondered if he could have stopped all of this happening. If he had welcomed Ursula with open arms would things have been different? There was no answer, and he knew it.
Not long after he arrived, he had met a man called Buddy Angel. Buddy had implied that Ursula was a drug addict, but the more Eric questioned this in his mind, the more absurd it seemed. Buddy had also told him that Andrea was probably a devious criminal. Eric tried to imagine how many devious criminals act out a double life as a nanny. He couldn’t think that there would be many. Admittedly, Andrea was strange at times but, and this was crucial, she had always been there for him. Even if she was a devious criminal, she was his devious criminal, and he missed her.
Lastly, there was Alexander. When Buddy Angel had told Eric that Alexander had no medical or dental records, tax details, wage slips, cell phone numbers, driving licence, social security number or Facebook page, Eric had believed him. Eric still believed him now. Alexander often behaved suspiciously. He was always looking over his shoulder; paranoid about who or what could be lurking around corners. Despite this, Eric had come to realise that, like Ursula, he had never given Alexander a chance. While Eric had been with Alexander, he had been safe. When they got separated, he had ended up here.
But where was 'here'? This was one of two questions that were becoming more and more important for Eric. If he moved his bed under the narrow window and looked out he could see some of his surroundings. There was dry, sandy soil and little vegetation apart from some spindly trees and bushes. From his blinkered view, he guessed that he was somewhere in, or near, the Mediterranean. This wasn’t very helpful as he knew that this could mean he was anywhere between Portugal and Turkey.
The other question Eric could not get out of his head was where was he specifically?
He knew he was on a military base, but he now doubted that this was for his safety. Doctor Noel and Buddy Angel had insisted that he was a target and needed to remain hidden. However, as the medicines were reduced, he became less and less sure about this. Who was he a target for? No one, apart from the OSS, had ever paid him any noticeable, out of the ordinary, attention.
Eric walked around his room. It was a cross between a painted cell and a one-star hotel room. If he went into the corridor outside, he was free to go into all other rooms except for two which remained locked. There was a small gym, a living room and a games room, but they were all the same size as his. He was in a block of cells.
The second question entered his head again - where was he specifically? He was sure that he was in a prison and, with every passing day, he was more convinced.
Eric approached a thin wardrobe and removed the clothes that had been put there for him. He put on jeans, a T-shirt and a fashionable pair of trainers. They were a present from Doctor Noel on his thirteenth birthday, some days ago. Eric knew that they were fakes the moment he saw them, but he no longer cared about wearing only 'designer' clothes. They were the only shoes he had after his own had been lost.
There was no clock in the room; he did not have a watch and the timer on the tablet computer did not work. Eric assumed that it was morning from the sun's position in the sky, but he could not be sure. However, he was confident that within five minutes of getting up, Nurse Gomez would appear. She would walk into his room with a breakfast tray, put it down and then sit beside him. She always sat too close and insisted on putting her arm around him while she asked him how he was. After a short conversation, she would run her fingers through her dyed-blonde bob and then leave. It was the same every day.
Eric decided to break up the routine.
The door was not locked, and he opened it. The corridor was dark and empty. Strip lights came on automatically as he stepped out of his room. He walked past the other rooms and waited beside the door that led out of the cellblock. Eric began to count the seconds while waiting for Nurse Gomez to enter. When he reached six hundred seconds, she had not appeared. He continued to count until three thousand six hundred seconds, or thirty minutes, but the door did not open. Eric looked around for a camera, but the corridor was bare. He looked up and, at various points in the ceiling, there were air vents.
Cameras could be hidden up there, thought Eric, but they were out of his reach.
Feeling that he had achieved a minor victory and had gathered some useful information, he returned to his room.
No sooner had Eric sat on his bed than his door opened. A short, thin nurse who was no bigger than Andrea entered. Her skin was slightly darker but in all other respects, she could have been Andrea’s sister. She put the breakfast tray beside Eric and then sat down on the other side of him.
“How are you this morning?” asked Nurse Gomez with a big smile on her face.
“I’m fine,” Eric lied. “How are you?”
“Good. Thank you. I’ve brought you waffles and maple syrup. They’re delicious,” and she put a maternal arm around him as she pointed at the breakfast. Her hand stayed uncomfortably on his shoulder.
“Great,” Eric lied again. “I’m starving this morning. I was waiting ages for you.”
“Sorry about that, Eric. I had to attend to other things,” she replied sheepishly, stroking his hair.
“What other things?”
Eric felt her arm and body stiffen against him.
She paused too long before answering, “We had some problems with another patient.”
Eric took her hand and asked, “Does that mean I’m a patient, too? I thought I was here for my own safety.”
“Well, er, technically you are still a patient otherwise Doctor Noel would not be looking after you.”
Eric jumped up, “But I feel fine. You can see that, can’t you? When you next see Doctor Noel would you tell him that? He doesn’t seem to believe me.”
“I sure will, sweetie,” replied Nurse Gomez. “Have a nice day.”
Nurse Gomez left the room as quickly as she could without running. Eric smiled to himself. He felt he was getting somewhere.
Breakfast was good, and Eric made sure he ate it all. He had a feeling that he would not get any more food for the rest of the day.
The corridor was not the most comfortable place to spend time, but Eric decided he needed to see what would happen if he stayed beside the door leading out of the cellblock.
During the morning, the door remained shut. Over lunch, no one entered and during the afternoon he continued to be left alone. Daylight shone from his room’s window through the open doorway and into the corridor. As the day dragged on, Eric watched the sunlight move across the corridor wall and get thinner and thinner. When it eventually disappeared, he knew that evening had come. The time had also come for him to leave the corridor. He needed the toilet and didn’t think going where he stood would be a good idea.
Eric walked away feeling pleased with himself and went into the toilet. When he came out, he was fully expecting to have company and was not disappointed.
Doctor Noel was waiting outside his room with a tray of food.
“I brought you your dinner,” said Doctor Noel warmly. “How about we go into your room?”
Eric opened the door and went in. He sat at a wheeled table near to his bed, and Doctor Noel put his food down.
“Meatloaf, and it smells delicious,” Doctor Noel said and sat on Eric’s bed.
The meatloaf did smell good, and Eric began to eat. He was starving from his day patrolling the corridor.
“You’re hungry, have you been working out in the gym?”
Eric shook his head. Mémé appeared in his thoughts, and he waited for his mouth to be empty before replying, “No one came to give me lunch today.”
Doctor Noel’s look of surprise was too quick in Eric’s opinion.
“I’m shocked, Eric. I know the base is busy at the moment, but you are recovering, and you need your food to get back to full health. I am very sorry,” he paused briefly and then asked, “how are you feeling?”
The meatloaf was tasty, and Eric did not reply immediately. It also gave him time to think of the best response.
“I am feeling much better. I am just starting to feel a bit bored in here.”
Doctor Noel looked pleased, “That’s great news. It means that you must almost be recovered, and we can discharge you soon.”
The reply surprised Eric, but he tried not to show it.
“Why do you say that?” he asked.
“Once someone is fed up with being in hospital that usually means they are well enough to leave. Tomorrow afternoon, I will come back and run some tests on you to see how you are doing. If they are positive, we’ll move you out. No one wants to keep you locked up down here.”
Eric could not work out if ‘locked up’ was the wrong choice of words or if Doctor Noel had used them deliberately.
Before he had time to ask, Doctor Noel wished Eric good night and left him to finish his meal. Their conversation had surprised Eric but had left him feeling more optimistic and made him doubt that he was a prisoner after all.
The next day, Doctor Noel returned. He made Eric undress to his underwear and gave him a thorough examination. Electrodes were attached to his chest, blood samples were taken, his breathing was monitored and his brain activity was recorded.
“I’ll take all these into the lab and come back tomorrow with the results.”
Tomorrow came and went, but Eric did not see Doctor Noel. Nurse Gomez explained that there had been an emergency and Doctor Noel would be away for a few days. When Eric asked if someone else could bring his results, Nurse Gomez replied that it wasn’t possible.
While Eric had been on the medication, he knew he had been more patient, more polite and happier. He also knew that it wasn’t him. The drugs had turned him into some softer version of himself and, now he was able to see that, he hated it.
This version of himself would have greeted Nurse Gomez’s news without complaint. The soft Eric would have smiled and then made a comment about how hard Doctor Noel works. This was not the real Eric. The real Eric took the news silently, nodded and seethed inside.
When he had first arrived at the Prague Anglo-International School, other children had invited Eric to their houses to play.
“You can come tomorrow,” they had said, but tomorrow never came.
His feelings had been hurt, but instead of showing this he had asked them if they wanted to come to his house.
“Next week,” they replied, but when the next week came they were always too busy or had other things to do.
The memories angered Eric, and he could feel his fists clenching. The thought of growing up without any real friends, made him more determined to get out and find Ursula, Andrea, Alexander and the Benjamins. It saddened him to admit it, but they were the only 'friends' he had, and he wanted to start afresh with all of them.
Eric spent the rest of the day in the gym working off his anger and formulating a plan. By the evening, he was covered in sweat but he knew what he was going to do. After he had showered, Nurse Gomez arrived with his dinner. They talked briefly but when she looked as if she was about to leave, Eric jumped up.
“Let me get the door for you,” Eric offered kindly and pulled it open for her.
Nurse Gomez thanked him and walked down the corridor towards the cellblock door.
Eric stayed in his doorway. He waved Nurse Gomez down the corridor.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, but he stayed in his doorway. This was the first time he had not been in a room when someone had left him.
The cellblock door did not open. Nurse Gomez stood in front of it and waited.
“Bye,” said Eric jovially but did not move.
The door remained closed, and Nurse Gomez shifted on her feet uncomfortably.
“Looks like the door is broken,” laughed Eric. “You can sleep in my bed. I’ll sleep in my chair.”
Nurse Gomez smiled at him nervously and turned back to face the door. She banged on it with her fist, but it remained closed.
“Eric,” she began, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m sure that they have just been distracted by something. You go into your room and eat your chicken stew before it gets cold.”
“Are you sure?” asked Eric.
“Yes, go, go, go!”
Eric walked back into his room but kept his door ajar. The sound of the cellblock door opening echoed down the corridor. Eric stepped out of his room just as Nurse Gomez disappeared.
Another victory, thought Eric. What were the words Nurse Gomez had foolishly used, ‘I’m sure they have just been distracted.’
So, he was being watched. This wasn’t a surprise, but it was good to have confirmation. Things were coming together.
He glanced at the air vents above his head before returning to his dinner
After he had finished his stew, he sat back in his chair and said out loud, “That was delicious. I do miss pork though. I don’t think I’ve had it since being here. I wonder if I’ll get bacon for breakfast one morning.”
The room was rectangular and plain. The only personal touches on the walls were pictures, and these had been given to him by Doctor Noel. He reluctantly got out of bed and looked at the 'approved' reminders of his past life.
According to Doctor Noel, they were supposed to help Eric feel better as his medicine was reduced. It didn’t work. Every time Eric looked at them, all he felt was anger. Each picture made him think about what he had lost and how his freedom had been taken away. He should have just torn them all down, but that would have meant bare walls again.
The pictures that riled him the most were of Paris and Prague. When he looked at them, he thought about Ursula and their last conversation. They had been standing in a beach outhouse surrounded by agents and soldiers from the Office of Strategic Services or OSS. He could remember almost every word they had said to each other.
“It’s you! Before you, everything was fine. You have ruined my life,” he had shouted at Ursula.
She had replied with tears streaming down her face, “My life has changed as much as yours, and you can’t blame me for all those things happening to you. I’m sorry that you can’t use your money. I’m sorry that you have been kept a prisoner. I’m sorry that you, and I, may die in a year and I’m sorry that you are now an orphan. But I didn’t do any of these things to you.”
She had been right. Only now that she was gone, did he realise this. Her life had changed as much as his. She had lost a warm family, and all he had lost was cold money.
When he had run out onto the beach that day, he had never looked back at her, and that is where his memories of Ursula stopped. As his head had become less fuzzy, and his thinking had become clearer, he had tried to contact her but without any real success. He sensed that she was alive and this, at least, pleased him greatly.
Maybe she’s in the same situation as me, he thought.
On a number of occasions, he had wondered if he could have stopped all of this happening. If he had welcomed Ursula with open arms would things have been different? There was no answer, and he knew it.
Not long after he arrived, he had met a man called Buddy Angel. Buddy had implied that Ursula was a drug addict, but the more Eric questioned this in his mind, the more absurd it seemed. Buddy had also told him that Andrea was probably a devious criminal. Eric tried to imagine how many devious criminals act out a double life as a nanny. He couldn’t think that there would be many. Admittedly, Andrea was strange at times but, and this was crucial, she had always been there for him. Even if she was a devious criminal, she was his devious criminal, and he missed her.
Lastly, there was Alexander. When Buddy Angel had told Eric that Alexander had no medical or dental records, tax details, wage slips, cell phone numbers, driving licence, social security number or Facebook page, Eric had believed him. Eric still believed him now. Alexander often behaved suspiciously. He was always looking over his shoulder; paranoid about who or what could be lurking around corners. Despite this, Eric had come to realise that, like Ursula, he had never given Alexander a chance. While Eric had been with Alexander, he had been safe. When they got separated, he had ended up here.
But where was 'here'? This was one of two questions that were becoming more and more important for Eric. If he moved his bed under the narrow window and looked out he could see some of his surroundings. There was dry, sandy soil and little vegetation apart from some spindly trees and bushes. From his blinkered view, he guessed that he was somewhere in, or near, the Mediterranean. This wasn’t very helpful as he knew that this could mean he was anywhere between Portugal and Turkey.
The other question Eric could not get out of his head was where was he specifically?
He knew he was on a military base, but he now doubted that this was for his safety. Doctor Noel and Buddy Angel had insisted that he was a target and needed to remain hidden. However, as the medicines were reduced, he became less and less sure about this. Who was he a target for? No one, apart from the OSS, had ever paid him any noticeable, out of the ordinary, attention.
Eric walked around his room. It was a cross between a painted cell and a one-star hotel room. If he went into the corridor outside, he was free to go into all other rooms except for two which remained locked. There was a small gym, a living room and a games room, but they were all the same size as his. He was in a block of cells.
The second question entered his head again - where was he specifically? He was sure that he was in a prison and, with every passing day, he was more convinced.
Eric approached a thin wardrobe and removed the clothes that had been put there for him. He put on jeans, a T-shirt and a fashionable pair of trainers. They were a present from Doctor Noel on his thirteenth birthday, some days ago. Eric knew that they were fakes the moment he saw them, but he no longer cared about wearing only 'designer' clothes. They were the only shoes he had after his own had been lost.
There was no clock in the room; he did not have a watch and the timer on the tablet computer did not work. Eric assumed that it was morning from the sun's position in the sky, but he could not be sure. However, he was confident that within five minutes of getting up, Nurse Gomez would appear. She would walk into his room with a breakfast tray, put it down and then sit beside him. She always sat too close and insisted on putting her arm around him while she asked him how he was. After a short conversation, she would run her fingers through her dyed-blonde bob and then leave. It was the same every day.
Eric decided to break up the routine.
The door was not locked, and he opened it. The corridor was dark and empty. Strip lights came on automatically as he stepped out of his room. He walked past the other rooms and waited beside the door that led out of the cellblock. Eric began to count the seconds while waiting for Nurse Gomez to enter. When he reached six hundred seconds, she had not appeared. He continued to count until three thousand six hundred seconds, or thirty minutes, but the door did not open. Eric looked around for a camera, but the corridor was bare. He looked up and, at various points in the ceiling, there were air vents.
Cameras could be hidden up there, thought Eric, but they were out of his reach.
Feeling that he had achieved a minor victory and had gathered some useful information, he returned to his room.
No sooner had Eric sat on his bed than his door opened. A short, thin nurse who was no bigger than Andrea entered. Her skin was slightly darker but in all other respects, she could have been Andrea’s sister. She put the breakfast tray beside Eric and then sat down on the other side of him.
“How are you this morning?” asked Nurse Gomez with a big smile on her face.
“I’m fine,” Eric lied. “How are you?”
“Good. Thank you. I’ve brought you waffles and maple syrup. They’re delicious,” and she put a maternal arm around him as she pointed at the breakfast. Her hand stayed uncomfortably on his shoulder.
“Great,” Eric lied again. “I’m starving this morning. I was waiting ages for you.”
“Sorry about that, Eric. I had to attend to other things,” she replied sheepishly, stroking his hair.
“What other things?”
Eric felt her arm and body stiffen against him.
She paused too long before answering, “We had some problems with another patient.”
Eric took her hand and asked, “Does that mean I’m a patient, too? I thought I was here for my own safety.”
“Well, er, technically you are still a patient otherwise Doctor Noel would not be looking after you.”
Eric jumped up, “But I feel fine. You can see that, can’t you? When you next see Doctor Noel would you tell him that? He doesn’t seem to believe me.”
“I sure will, sweetie,” replied Nurse Gomez. “Have a nice day.”
Nurse Gomez left the room as quickly as she could without running. Eric smiled to himself. He felt he was getting somewhere.
Breakfast was good, and Eric made sure he ate it all. He had a feeling that he would not get any more food for the rest of the day.
The corridor was not the most comfortable place to spend time, but Eric decided he needed to see what would happen if he stayed beside the door leading out of the cellblock.
During the morning, the door remained shut. Over lunch, no one entered and during the afternoon he continued to be left alone. Daylight shone from his room’s window through the open doorway and into the corridor. As the day dragged on, Eric watched the sunlight move across the corridor wall and get thinner and thinner. When it eventually disappeared, he knew that evening had come. The time had also come for him to leave the corridor. He needed the toilet and didn’t think going where he stood would be a good idea.
Eric walked away feeling pleased with himself and went into the toilet. When he came out, he was fully expecting to have company and was not disappointed.
Doctor Noel was waiting outside his room with a tray of food.
“I brought you your dinner,” said Doctor Noel warmly. “How about we go into your room?”
Eric opened the door and went in. He sat at a wheeled table near to his bed, and Doctor Noel put his food down.
“Meatloaf, and it smells delicious,” Doctor Noel said and sat on Eric’s bed.
The meatloaf did smell good, and Eric began to eat. He was starving from his day patrolling the corridor.
“You’re hungry, have you been working out in the gym?”
Eric shook his head. Mémé appeared in his thoughts, and he waited for his mouth to be empty before replying, “No one came to give me lunch today.”
Doctor Noel’s look of surprise was too quick in Eric’s opinion.
“I’m shocked, Eric. I know the base is busy at the moment, but you are recovering, and you need your food to get back to full health. I am very sorry,” he paused briefly and then asked, “how are you feeling?”
The meatloaf was tasty, and Eric did not reply immediately. It also gave him time to think of the best response.
“I am feeling much better. I am just starting to feel a bit bored in here.”
Doctor Noel looked pleased, “That’s great news. It means that you must almost be recovered, and we can discharge you soon.”
The reply surprised Eric, but he tried not to show it.
“Why do you say that?” he asked.
“Once someone is fed up with being in hospital that usually means they are well enough to leave. Tomorrow afternoon, I will come back and run some tests on you to see how you are doing. If they are positive, we’ll move you out. No one wants to keep you locked up down here.”
Eric could not work out if ‘locked up’ was the wrong choice of words or if Doctor Noel had used them deliberately.
Before he had time to ask, Doctor Noel wished Eric good night and left him to finish his meal. Their conversation had surprised Eric but had left him feeling more optimistic and made him doubt that he was a prisoner after all.
The next day, Doctor Noel returned. He made Eric undress to his underwear and gave him a thorough examination. Electrodes were attached to his chest, blood samples were taken, his breathing was monitored and his brain activity was recorded.
“I’ll take all these into the lab and come back tomorrow with the results.”
Tomorrow came and went, but Eric did not see Doctor Noel. Nurse Gomez explained that there had been an emergency and Doctor Noel would be away for a few days. When Eric asked if someone else could bring his results, Nurse Gomez replied that it wasn’t possible.
While Eric had been on the medication, he knew he had been more patient, more polite and happier. He also knew that it wasn’t him. The drugs had turned him into some softer version of himself and, now he was able to see that, he hated it.
This version of himself would have greeted Nurse Gomez’s news without complaint. The soft Eric would have smiled and then made a comment about how hard Doctor Noel works. This was not the real Eric. The real Eric took the news silently, nodded and seethed inside.
When he had first arrived at the Prague Anglo-International School, other children had invited Eric to their houses to play.
“You can come tomorrow,” they had said, but tomorrow never came.
His feelings had been hurt, but instead of showing this he had asked them if they wanted to come to his house.
“Next week,” they replied, but when the next week came they were always too busy or had other things to do.
The memories angered Eric, and he could feel his fists clenching. The thought of growing up without any real friends, made him more determined to get out and find Ursula, Andrea, Alexander and the Benjamins. It saddened him to admit it, but they were the only 'friends' he had, and he wanted to start afresh with all of them.
Eric spent the rest of the day in the gym working off his anger and formulating a plan. By the evening, he was covered in sweat but he knew what he was going to do. After he had showered, Nurse Gomez arrived with his dinner. They talked briefly but when she looked as if she was about to leave, Eric jumped up.
“Let me get the door for you,” Eric offered kindly and pulled it open for her.
Nurse Gomez thanked him and walked down the corridor towards the cellblock door.
Eric stayed in his doorway. He waved Nurse Gomez down the corridor.
“See you tomorrow,” he said, but he stayed in his doorway. This was the first time he had not been in a room when someone had left him.
The cellblock door did not open. Nurse Gomez stood in front of it and waited.
“Bye,” said Eric jovially but did not move.
The door remained closed, and Nurse Gomez shifted on her feet uncomfortably.
“Looks like the door is broken,” laughed Eric. “You can sleep in my bed. I’ll sleep in my chair.”
Nurse Gomez smiled at him nervously and turned back to face the door. She banged on it with her fist, but it remained closed.
“Eric,” she began, “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. I’m sure that they have just been distracted by something. You go into your room and eat your chicken stew before it gets cold.”
“Are you sure?” asked Eric.
“Yes, go, go, go!”
Eric walked back into his room but kept his door ajar. The sound of the cellblock door opening echoed down the corridor. Eric stepped out of his room just as Nurse Gomez disappeared.
Another victory, thought Eric. What were the words Nurse Gomez had foolishly used, ‘I’m sure they have just been distracted.’
So, he was being watched. This wasn’t a surprise, but it was good to have confirmation. Things were coming together.
He glanced at the air vents above his head before returning to his dinner
After he had finished his stew, he sat back in his chair and said out loud, “That was delicious. I do miss pork though. I don’t think I’ve had it since being here. I wonder if I’ll get bacon for breakfast one morning.”